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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
You can test my patience all you want, but Iām never going to pass.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you