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Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.