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We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.