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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.