Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Your things are terrific.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.