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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.