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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.