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I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?