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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.