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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.