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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.