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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.