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Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?