Daily Silly Status

Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"

I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.

Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.

Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.

Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.

Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.

A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.

Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.

I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.

I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.

I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?

The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.

They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.