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My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?