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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.