Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
My support group can outdrink your support group.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Party like you will never be invited to another!
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.