Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.