Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.