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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell