Daily Silly Status

I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”

So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.

Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?

I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.

In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"

I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.

I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!

It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.

And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.

Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were

There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.

I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.

I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.