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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.