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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes