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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!