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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....