Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.