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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!