Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.