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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!