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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
I need a partner in wine.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
How`d this get posted?
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.