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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I`m perfect you adjust.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?