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Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
why me is me ?
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.