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The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks