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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.