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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
I make a great second impression.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?