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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".