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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.