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Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....