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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!