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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.