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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.