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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
This recliner and I go way back.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.