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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.