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I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
More people should be at a loss for words.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.