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Have you hugged you bartender today.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But Iām skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.