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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?