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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?