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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers