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Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.