Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…