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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
French people give me the crepes.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa