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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.