Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
i like boobs
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?