Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.