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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"