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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
word of the day: nincomtard
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.