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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.