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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if Iām right!
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.