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I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
gua suka sama kamu