Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.