Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?