Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.