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Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.