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"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Doormats are a gateway rug.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.